Close Please enter your Username and Password
BDSM.com Glossary of Terms

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

Adventure This has all the usual meanings, and on this site it usually has the added meaning of "the kind of sex I'd like to have but my last partners didn't give me." Usually it refers to trying new bedroom positions, trying threesomes, doing it in exotic or forbidden places, etc. Again, it's a relative term, so read the context clues before assuming you know what it means.
Anal Sex, to receive Anal Service, Anal Worship. Short for anal intercourse (penis in butt). That said, it's often used to mean any kind of butt play (rimming, playing with butt plugs or vibrators, etc.), in which case it's short for "anal play." You may possibly come across these related abbreviations: A/S (anal service) and A/W (anal worship), which are situationally defined.
Ass (Arse) Play Everything from drooling, spitting on, licking and eating around the asshole (rimming) to inserting dildos, beads, cocks, fists, and various other creative things (hopefully not food!) into the ass (arse).
Auto-Eroticism Do-it-yourself sex. Masturbation.
B back to top
BBW Acronym for Big, Beautiful Women.
BDSM It is generally accepted within the scene that these initials mean Bondage & Domination, Sadism & Masochism, but also that they are extended to Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism.
Bi-curious A male or female who is interested in trying same-sex activities.
Bi-sexual Attracted to members of both sexes.
Blow Job Mouth on penis action that results in ejaculation (thar she blows!).
Bondage The generic term for practicing tying or restraint. Bondage takes many forms, including elaborate rope bondage, chains, metal handcuffs or leather restraints, as examples.
Butt Plug A plug or stopper inserted in the anus for added sensation during sex play. Commercial butt plugs are flanged at the end (so they won't slip up the chute) and made of safe materials. But homegrown ingenuity abounds, in which case it's anyone's guess.
Butt play Though this is basically another term for "anal," it tends to be used more often when the writer is referring to activities other than penetration.
C back to top
Circumcised The penis no longer has a foreskin. For example, a majority of American males are circumcised as infants.
Closed swinging Couples are having sex in separate rooms on the same premises (usually a party in a large home).
Cross Dressing To dress in the clothing of the opposite sex. Usually applies to men dressing as women, in heels, dresses, nylons, bras, women's underwear and so forth, but may also apply to women. A more generic term than TV/Transvestite.
Cunnilingus mouth action to female genitals, oral sex; that is, licking, lapping, sucking, slurping any of the larger genital parts
D back to top
D & D Free Drug and disease free. (Everyone claims to be it and to want it, so it cancels itself out as a useful term.)
Dildo Commercially, it's a latex, silicone, rubber, plastic, glass, etc. object, usually (but not necessarily) resembling a penis, used for insertion in sexual play. Non-commercially, there are vegetables, household wares, and whatever else the human imagination can conjure up.
Discreet (not discrete) Usually used as "discreet encounter." Respecting the privacy or maintaining the secrets of another or not attracting a lot of attention. It sounds more responsible than "let's keep it a secret." In many cases, the person using the term "looking for discreet relationship" is married or has a serious relationship going on, and by discreet, they mean, don't call the house and say, "This is so-and-so's lover is s/he there -- I could use some phone sex." Other times, there are children or parents involved and the person doesn't want the relationship paraded in front of them. In some cases it simply means the person wants to keep it low profile -- don't plan on showing up at your lover's office with a picnic lunch and a vibrator. In short, since it can mean a laundry list of things -- you're best to clarify.
Doggie Style A sexual position where the bottom is on hands and knees and the top penetrates from behind, the way dogs do it.
Dominant (Also dom, domme, domina and dominatrix -- the last three are female only). The person who wants to be the controlling partner or aggressor in sexual relations. (It can also be used as a descriptor: "I am dominant in the bedroom.") If the person has mentioned a D/s relationship or says they like it "kinky," it can mean playing the role of "Master" or Mistress" to the partner's "slave" or "servant." If someone says point blank, "I'm a dom (or domme)," they mean this type of role play, added, most likely, to elements like bondage, pain, and other goodies. Again, clarify.
DP Double penetration - A penis in two holes. In a three-way, having anal and vaginal penetration at the same time -- one up the chute and one in the hole.
D/s Dominance/submission play. One person takes the controlling role in sexual activity, the other person takes the passive or obedient role. This "play" has varying degrees of intensity. In frequency it can range from once in a while to 24/7, and in intensity it can range from giving a few orders or deciding who takes what sexual position to inflicting severe pain. Always clarify what the person using the term is thinking.
E back to top
Eating Basically a term used for cunnilingus.
Exhibitionist A person who is aroused by being watched, either naked, or masturbating, or having sex, etc.
F back to top
Kinks Things other than erotic zones of the body that turn an individual on. Examples are rubber, leather, latex, fat, toes, boots, high-heels, corsets, nylons, you name it. That said, this narrow definition has come to incorporate BDSM, because people associated with BDSM practices often had a "fetish" for leather (whips, belts, straps, chaps, leather gloves, etc.). So a person who's into whipping might call that practice a fetish.
Feminization For a man to be dressed and often made-up as a female, either voluntarily or under duress.
Fellatio Mouth on penis oral sex, not a term you'll find often on the site; male profiles often express this as "receiving oral."
Fingering Most often this is a finger applied to the clitoris, but it can be any variety of finger-in-hole actions as well, including anal fingering.
Fisting A hand is inserted into the anus or vagina, usually one finger at a time. Getting the knuckle spread (the widest point of the hand) through the opening is usually the most difficult part of the process; after this point you are well and truly "fisting." The process takes a lot of lubrication. It also takes patience on the part of the dominant, and openness and relaxation on the part of the submissive.
Foreskin Also, prepuce. A fold of skin that covers the head of the penis often surgically removed by circumcision.
French (also French Culture) Mouth on/in genitals sex. Cunnilingus and fellatio.
Friends With Benefits Generally an open relationship based on genuine affection and trust that guarantees everybody gets laid without making a romantic commitment. Someone you can hang out with and have sex with, but don't really plan on ever living with. Also goes by Fuck Buddies, Friends with Perks, etc.
"Friends First” Swingers: People who prefer to get to know someone before having sex. This may mean socializing at clubs, exchanging email and chatting online, or going out on a few dates (dinner, movies, sports events, etc.--same as traditional dating) first. These couples may also wish to maintain non-sexual friendships as well--not all get-togethers have to involve sex for them.
Fun On this site "fun," as in "looking for fun," tends to mean "sex," or "primarily sex."
G back to top
Generous Often this term takes with it the connotation that money will be exchanged for sex, so be forewarned.
Greek (also Greek Culture) Any action that involves anal penetration by penis. More commonly applied to male homosexuality.
GSOH Acronym for Good sense of humor.
H back to top
Hand job Man gets orgasm when he or his mate strokes his peter by hand.
Hard core swingers Couple who live, eat, sleep swinging; also swingers who engage in hard core swinging (below).
Hard core swinging A swinger gathering or meeting is hard core when sex is expected.
Hard swinging Swinging where there is sexual partner switching, "hard swinging" is synonymous with swapping.
Head As in "giving/getting head," is mouth on penis stimulation, fellatio.
Hedonism From an involved Greek philosophy and way of life, it is basically the belief that the greatest good in life is to seek physical pleasure. Pleasure seeking. It can be a way of life. The Hedonism resort chain obviously co-opted this concept. They are quite opulent and favorite destinations of swingers, nudists, and fetishists.
Hung Same as well-hung. Man with a large penis. Bull-dick.
I back to top
Introitus Latinate term for the vaginal opening. If you see this term on BDSM.com, you're probably reading the profile of a doctor.
IRL Acronym for In Real Life, usually in ads or discussions where fantasy play is discussed, to differentiate the play from the daily grind.
ISO Acronym for "in search of."
J back to top
Jacuzzi Brand name hot tub set-up with jets of water constantly circulating into the tub -- these jets are often used for masturbating and have great foreplay value, so the mention of "Jacuzzi" is less about the brand name and more about the sexual image. Very popular with the swinger crowd.
Johnson One of the many nice little names for the penis.
Juicy A great way to suggest horniness without saying it. For example, "looking for a juicy lady" means "Ladies, please be hot to trot."
K back to top
Kitten If you see this in a profile, it may mean the person being described is some or all of the following: "fluffy," flirtatious, petite, sexy, delicate, submissive. Again, keep reading to find out which apply. The term is also used sometimes for "pussy."
Kinky The narrowest definition refers to incorporating fetishes into sex play. You may find balloons give you a woody (balloon fetish), and so you (or your partner) rub your penis with a balloon to get you off. Broader definition includes BDSM. You like to be tied to the bed; your partner likes to be whipped; you like to worship your partner's armpits, etc. However, on the site you will even broader definitions -- in fact it can merely mean "looking for sex that's more adventurous than what I'm used to. For example, if she's only had missionary sex with her husband for the past 20 years, she might think doing it doggie style is "kinky" -- or doing it outdoors, or doing it with three people. Many people think anal sex is "kinky." In fact, many people think that anything that causes you to wrinkle your nose and go "eeuwww!" is kinky. Best to inquire about this one.
Kundalini Sexual energy. The term is used in the context of Tantra and most people using this word will be referring to a whole way of thinking about sex that involves meditation and breathing exercises.
L back to top
LOL Computerese acronym for Laugh Out Loud. You'll also see a lot of this :)
Lover Sexual partner, but often meaning that the person using the word expects more than sex (such as companionship, LTR, etc.).
LTR Acronym for long-term relationship.
M back to top
Master Sometimes the word "dominant" is used, but master usually has a "heavier" implication. While someone can be dominant in a scene, a master usually implies a relationship, sometimes a 24x7 relationship.
Matroom A room set up for group sex. Also known as a group room.
Meet for pleasure This expression means, in swinging, that the encounter is not about friendship, but sex only.
Menage a trois From the French, this means three people set up a household. It includes sexual relations of course. So it really refers to a live-in situation, but it has been generalized quite a bit. On the site, it can often mean any "encounter" in which three people have sex.
M.O.S. Members of the Opposite Sex.
Muff (muff diving) Well, "muff" is appropriately descriptive of the bush as located on the venus mound, that is, female bush. "Muff-diving" is also fairly accurate in description if you consider that you have to dive through the muff to get to the meat-- which is what muff diving really is: cunnilingus.
Mutual pleasuring In the most general sense it means, "We both come." But it often means "you do to me whatever I do to you" -- an important distinction that can grow into a nasty nettle patch if you don't clarify it early on.
Mutual Masturbation "Masturbate" primarily means manual stimulation of one's own genitals, but a secondary meaning is to manually pleasure someone else. Can also refer to two people manually stimulating themselves while sitting or lying next to each other. Each person masturbates, but they do it together so that one is being a masturbator and a voyeur at the same time.
N back to top
Naturists An actual national organization of nudists, these are nudists with a philosophy, so it includes nature, going back to nature, and a lot of outdoor activities.
Nudists People who like to be nude and do it as often as possible. They often remain nude in their homes, get together with other nudists for events, or have special places like camps or beaches where they can congregate (in the nude, of course).
O back to top
O (the big O) "O" is for orgasm. "Big O" is big orgasm.
ON-PREMISE Clubs On premise clubs allow for meeting, socializing, and swinging to happen all in the same location.
OFF-PREMISE Clubs: Off premise clubs are strictly for meeting & socializing. Many times called a meet and greet. It could be an off-premise swing club, cocktail lounge, bar, or home where you go specifically to meet other swingers. Swinging will be elsewhere with the interested couples and singles responsible for the arrangements. The arrangements could include who is to be invited, the location, date and time.
Open swinging Two, plus couples have sex in the same room -- but not necessarily with each other.
Oral Oral sex (see below).
Oral Sex Cunnilingus and fellatio, any variety of mouth to genitals action, irregardless of climax. In other words, for you legalists, it can be called "sex" even if there's no orgasm. Less frequently called "oral service," which may suggest a D/s context.
Orgy Group sex, lots of people, lots of parts in lots of holes and no wallflowers allowed.
P back to top
Play To participate in a BDSM scene.
Polyamory Sexual relationships with more than one partner. Usually refers to emotional attachment and various agreements between the partners.
Positions The sexual positions, for example man-on-top, woman-on-top, man-from-behind, woman from behind (with strap-on), and so forth. People usually mention positions in conjunction with "adventure" or as part of wanting to "try something new."
Pussy Female genitalia
Pussy Licker One who performs acts of oral sex on a female. See also "Cunnilingus," "Eating," "French, "Muff Diving," "Oral Sex."
Q back to top
Quickie Quick sex, usually involving orgasm, often on the run or in a public or unsanctioned place.
R back to top
Rear Entry A position for intercourse: guy enters woman from behind (or woman sits back on lying down man).
Receiving Being the passive partner, having any sexual act done to you. On BDSM.com it's often used in this context: "I like oral sex, giving as well as receiving." This means, "You suck me, I'll suck you."
Reciprocate This is a more sophisticated way of saying "do me like I do you," but it works for non-sexual contexts as opposed to "giving and receiving." It can refer to something as nebulous as "have exactly the same degree of passion I have." In this case, better investigate further.
Rimming The act of licking the anal rim of another person in order to gain and/or give sexual pleasure. (Also called a "rim job.")
Recreational Swinging No-strings swinging -- swinging without attachments, friendships, relationships, emotional connections, etc.
Role Play Sex games people play whereby each partner plays a certain fantasy "role," like school boy and school mistress, baby and daddy, whore and john.
Roman (Roman Style, Roman Culture) Sex by orgy.
S back to top
Sadomasochism The giving (sado) and receiving (masoch) of pain in sexual play or for sexual arousal -- or for just plain fun.
Same Room Swingers: These are couples who prefer to swing together in the same room or at least have their partner present during their encounter.
Separate Room Swingers: The opposite of above--couples who are more comfortable NOT having their partners present during an encounter.
Shaving Usually refers to shaving pubic hair, but can refer to shaving any or all other places hair grows on the body. The user will usually specify. If a woman says "shaved" she's most definitely referring to pubic hair. A man may qualify with "completely shaved" and then he would probably be referring to at least chest and pubes, possibly pits and legs, not necessarily beard or head hair.
Social In a swinger context you meet and greet, but don't have sex. Essentially a chance to meet other couples for future sexual encounters.
Soft porn Cross an X rated movie without the plot with a XXX-rated movie without the in-your-face action. In short, all the packaging with none of the content.
Soft Swingers: This definition can vary from couple to couple so be sure to clarify with the individuals in question, but this frequently means couples that will have sex with their own partners in the same room at the same time while another couple is having sex, but not actually exchange partners at any time. For others, it can simply mean no penetration. Be sure to check with the couple on their personal definition.
Soft swinging Couples get together and engage in sexual activity together, but they only have sex with their own partners -- no partner swapping. But a lot of watching does go on -- and possibly some touching -- a touchy matter best negotiated in advance. The hard line for soft swinging is no intercourse between non-mates. A wider definition says that any time a couple brings in a third party, they are swinging (threesomes). But in this case the third party would only watch or be watched.
STDs Acronym for Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Also STIs (where "I" is illnesses, more often seen in UK).
Straight Guys often write this in a profile to discourage other guys from contacting them (also STR or STR8).
Strap-on A penis-shaped dildo with a flanged base, latex or something similar, that is run through a hole in a harness. The penis end allows a woman to penetrate and copulate like a man while the flange, pressed against her body, can stimulate her clit. She can ride the man from behind, engage in sex with another woman, and engage in other manly pursuits.
Submissive A person who likes to take the passive role in sex or lets the partner give the orders and call the shots (also used as a descriptor). In the context of D/s play, the role takes on more requirements as negotiated by the partners.
Swapping This is swinging where two (or more) couples get together and exchange partners to have sex.
Swedish Sexual play that involves massage or a lot of touching.
Swinging Refers to couples "playing" with other couples or with singles. It doesn't really qualify the degree of play. It tends to mean there is some sort of sex involved. In any case, the term doesn't really give you any clues as to who does what with whom. For some clue, they have invented the terms "hard swinging" and "soft swinging" and otherwise, you read between the lines.
T back to top
Tantra Well that's a big one. Tantra is a spiritual practice that revolves around the sexual union. It works with sexual intimacy, body awareness, breathing practices, sensitivity practice, a whole lot of other things all conceptually driven by concepts such as two-becoming-one, bringing unity out of polarity, uniting spiritual energy with physical energy... After that, read a book, watch a video, or get a teacher. Because on BDSM.com, not everyone who uses the term walks that actual walk. Some people use the term to mean they are slow, serious sexual connoisseurs as opposed to the "quickie" types. It also tends to suggest they want a more long-term arrangement, more emotional commitment rather than the one-nighter/no-strings thing. But it's a wild card, so if someone uses the term with you, it's best to inquire.
Threesome A couple and a third party engage in some form of sexual activity. But it can be used to refer to any three people in a sexual encounter. Every situation is different, so it's important to clarify parameters.
TICKET A person, usually a woman, brought to a swinging party solely to enable a man to gain entrance. The ticket generally has no intention to swing or is not free to swing. This is a very negative thing in the swinging world. Please be honest and upfront at all times.
Tonguing Most often refers to use of the tongue in cunnilingus. Although if used in conjunction with a body part, it simply means applying tongue action to said body part.
Toys In an BDSM.com context, leave your kids out of this one. These would be sex toys, any implement used in sex play. It tends to mean things like dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, and so forth, can include kinky toys like handcuffs and blindfolds, but really, after that it could be anything up to and including the kitchen sink, especially if you have someone creative on your hands.
Transgender, TG You will find many meanings for "Transgender" in common parlance so you must look to other cues in a person's conversation to determine how the speaker intends the term. It usually refers to someone who operates as or identifies as a person of the opposite sex to their biological or birth sex. Such a person is not necessarily in sex reassignment therapy, or planning to go into it, as in "transsexual," though people will sometimes use the terms interchangeably. Some use the term "transgendered" to imply a sexual identity that is gender-neutral, ambiguous, or that has characteristics of both genders at once. Finally, you may see the term used to cover all gender bending issues in general -- in this case it would include transsexual, transvestite, and hermaphrodite.
Transsexual (TS, TG, transgender) An individual who identifies with a gender other than their own "assigned" or birth gender. These individuals often choose to alter their body (through surgery and gender reassignment therapy) in order to more accurately reflect their personal orientation/identification.
Triad A three-way, ongoing relationship of mixed sexes, as opposed to a "threesome" which is usually a one-nighter just for sex.
Troilism A sophisticated way of saying "threesomes" -- traditionally this term refers to threesomes as a perversion.
Tung-hsuan This guy wrote a book hundreds of years ago that took all the fun out of sex by tying it to numerology and making you count everything. And-one-and-two-and-three-and-four. Unless you have a Mathematics fetish, if someone on BDSM.com suggests this approach to you, run.
Transvestism (transvestitism), TV Someone who advertises as a TV is a transvestite (transvestism is the practice). This means the person gets sexually aroused by dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex, men who love to wear women's underwear, for example.
U back to top
Uncut Refers to the penis when it still has its foreskin.
Utopian Swinging Swinging as a life style, complete with philosophy, which is humanistic in nature.
V back to top
Vibrators A sex toy that vibrates, usually battery operated. They can be used topically for body sensitizing or clitoral, penile or testicular stimulation. They can be used by insertion for either vaginal or anal stimulation. And then there's creativity. Anything goes.
Voyeurism For those who like to watch. Broadly speaking, it refers to being sexually aroused simply by watching other people engage in sexual activity. As used on the site it can mean the person is not willing to engage physically, or it can mean that if you don't want physical contact, he/she is willing to go along.
W back to top
Wank UK expression for jerk-off, jack-off, slap the monkey, etc. The person who does this is called a wanker, often used pejoratively.
Watersports Also known as Urolognia. Usually refers to pee play, but broader definitions can include things like enemas.
Woman-on-top A coital position whereby the woman is literally on top of the man. Many men prefer their women on top, and this suggests nothing else about their lovemaking style or personality.
X back to top
XXX Hard porn. You get to see all the machinery up close doing its thing.
Y back to top
Yoni Vagina. This term has Eastern sexual practices written all over it. It also refers to the female principle. Someone using the term might be into or well-read in Tantric sex.